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Today marks day 100 since my wife departed for Ghana in the hope of bringing our son Julius home. These 100 days were something I definitely did not ask for; yet in the Lord’s sovereignty He has asked me to walk through and here are 5 things I have learned.
How desperately I need the cross and how thankful I am for it:
These 100 days that I did not ask for have shown me just how broken I am. I have experienced anger like I have never experienced before. I have often times not been able to control my tongue. My thoughts constantly run rampant and through my flesh I scream out in frustration. I have yelled at my kids over a popsicle wrapper being on the floor not because I am mad about the wrapper, instead because I am walking through a season I never asked for. I often go to bed angry just trying to push the world away. My sin is constantly on display. It is one thing to recognize our sin as unbelievers and our desperate need for a savior. It is a whole other thing to recognize though I have been saved through faith in Christ I am still a pitiful sinner in desperate need daily of the cross. Paul’s words in Romans chapter 7 sum up my days. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. However, in all my sin I have come to realize that just because I was saved through faith in 2003 that the cross is still as important and central in my life now as it has ever been. These 100 days have given me a gratefulness for the cross and the resurrection like never before. It has reminded me that on this side of eternity I am a broken man desperately in need of a savior every day of my life.
In my sorrow He is still good:
To be reminded daily of the goodness of our Father in heaven has been a blessing. In my loneliness; he is still good. In the depths of my sorrow; he is still good. In my brokenness; he is still good. When the laundry is piling up and the dog has chewed up the carpet; he is still good. When my daughter puts blue paint in the shampoo in the shower; he is still good. When the pool turns green and the dishwasher breaks; he is still good. When pizza boxes are scattered throughout the house and my youngest has peed the bed; he is still good. When I look around and there seems to be no help to be found; he is still good. For 100 days in the midst of the difficulties and pain I have been reminded that I have a good, good Father.
In the Shadow of my hurt It’s been hard to see Your face When the wreckage and the failure Feel like more than I can take Disappointment stole my song But I choose to sing again Of the kindness You have shown When I could barely lift my hands -Meredith Andrews
The pain of one season leads us to the purpose of the next season:
Sometime later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. Then the word of the LORD came to him: “Go at once to Zarephath in the region or Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food. (1 Kings 17:7-10) “Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed. (Genesis 37:27)
During these last 100 days I try to imagine what Elijah thought about when that brook dried up? I have tried to think about what was going through Joseph’s mind as he laid in that cistern all beat up by his own brothers? In those moments could they have imagined anymore uncertainty? Were they scared about what the future held? Would they have ever imagined the end of the story where Elijah would be swooped up to heaven by God himself and Joseph would end up ruler over Egypt. When God wants to move us sometimes it comes through pain. For me it was hard enough to leave Kingdom Hoops let alone to move to a new place and start a new job. I would have never thought about taking a step away from Acts 2 Collective and entering into seminary. There is a new thing stirring in my heart. Something deep inside of me that I have not felt in a long time. It is these 100 days that have led me there and only God knows what the end of the story will entail.
He is on the mountain and He is in the mundane:
A few weeks prior to these 100 days beginning I was with the Lord on that figurative mountain. I was in Cape Coast, Ghana standing along the shores of the Atlantic Ocean baptizing those whom much of the world would say are too far away from God’s grace. Yes, those days I was with the Lord on the mountain top.
Then a few weeks later as the clock started on these initial 100 days I found myself alone in the mundane activities of this life. Driving kids to school. Sitting in gyms during practice. Vacuuming the carpets. Folding the laundry. Making dinner at night. Packing lunches for the day. Loading and unloading the dishwasher. Feeding the dog. Pulling weeds. Sweeping the garage. Matching socks. Making the beds. Reminding those who forget to brush their teeth. Cleaning dried up toothpaste from the sink. Cleaning mirrors and scrubbing toilets. Tucking little ones in at night. What I discovered though is that God is in the mundane. It has not been as glamourous as baptizing those who were once lost into the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, but in God’s economy both are of the same. I have discovered his presence in the mundane. I have found a peace in His purposes through the mundane. It was a place I never would have expected Him to be, but I have felt him more in the mundane places that the world will never see more than any other place I have been.
I have found HOPE in His promises to restore:
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:10)
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (Revelation 21:5)
Trustworthy and True. If we can believe in the power of cross for salvation then we have to be able to believe in His ability to restore. If our God could send His son as a sacrifice for all, then He certainly has the ability to restore. I am placing my hope daily in my God’s ability to restore all things. If not on this side of eternity then definitely on the other side of it! This has not been 100 days that I would have chosen. But, God has chosen it for me and in it I choose to find all of the blessings He has in store for me and my family. May my chains in these 100 days set someone else free.
In Christ,
Jake